There are moments when God puts His finger on something in a way that’s unmistakable. Right now, that something is relationships. It’s a time of divine connecting—where God is emphasizing the importance of healthy, spiritually aligned relationships while also allowing the unproductive ones to be sifted out.

The Strain in the Spirit

Many people are experiencing strained relationships right now. And strain almost always reveals weakness. It’s easy to assume we’re on the same page with someone—same desires, same values—until the moment of difference comes, and that difference introduces tension. Conflict creeps in. Harmony fades. Internal battles emerge, and suddenly, we find ourselves trying to control what feels like a spiritual slide.

This is the heart of why divorces happen, why dating relationships implode, and why so many friendships feel shallow and disappointing. We formed these relationships around circumstantial compatibility or emotional convenience rather than around a foundation built on Christ. When the foundation shifts—or proves faulty—the whole structure begins to crack.

What’s especially tragic is when this happens among believers. If Christians find themselves in relational chaos, it often means someone’s spiritual standard has dropped. Once the spiritual commonality erodes, the relationship naturally suffers. The strain is not just emotional—it’s deeply spiritual. It’s when the flesh gains dominance over the spirit that true connection breaks down.

Paul said he knew no man after the flesh. Our connections are meant to be spirit-to-spirit. When Christ, salvation, and the Kingdom are our shared center, then we find stability in relationships. But when those pillars are ignored or slowly abandoned, the relationship suffers. I’ve seen this repeatedly over years of ministry. And for those who choose to keep the standard, it can be incredibly painful.

Why? Because when someone walks away from a spiritually bonded relationship, they aren’t just walking away from a person. They’re walking away from a covenant and a grace that was available. And that covenant wasn’t based on preference—it was a spiritual agreement to walk together for the sake of Christ and His Kingdom. The grace was given to perform the assignment together. This is why it cuts so deep. It’s not just about compatibility; it’s about co-laboring with God and each other. That’s why when someone walks away, it can feel like a silent message saying, “You, and what you’re doing, have no value.”

And yet, this isn’t new. I’ve had to navigate this type of grief time and again. You never fully get used to it. The key is guarding your heart so it doesn’t become hard. I’ve had to remind myself that when someone breaks fellowship, it’s often out of unresolved hurt, pride, or spiritual confusion. But I’ve also seen the mercy of God restore those same people—sometimes years later when they hear God, repent, and return.

A War of Spirit vs. Flesh

The greatest strain in any relationship happens when the spirit and the flesh collide—whether it’s within one person or between two people. That internal war becomes external. What was once cherished turns contentious. The enemy loves to use these moments to isolate us and discourage us, and if we’re not careful, we begin to mistrust future relationships and harden our expectations.

But with the right spiritual lens, we can see the truth: it’s a battle of dominion. Will the Spirit of God define how we relate to others? Or will we keep building around personal preference, emotional needs, and shared hobbies?

Common interests might make friendships feel fun, but they’ll never sustain a spiritual bond. Without spiritual unity—without Christ at the center—disappointment is inevitable. And we set ourselves up for it when we blur those lines.

The Bible is clear: we’re to steward our relationships intentionally. Relationships with unbelievers exist, yes, but mostly for the sake of bringing the gospel of the kingdom to them. Within the Body, however, we are meant to have deeper, more meaningful connections—relationships that carry counsel, support, accountability, and shared purpose.

But not every Christian relationship is healthy. I always ask: Is this someone I’d want my children to follow? Is their life a model I’d want reproduced? Because who we allow close will always shape us. You don’t seek marriage advice from someone with a broken marriage. You don’t ask spiritual counsel from someone who refuses to walk in fellowship with the Body. Relationships may be ordained by God—but their maintenance is our responsibility.

Boundaries, Not Breaks

2 Thessalonians 3:6-7 gives us a bold directive: “Withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly.” That’s a hard word for our modern ears, but it’s straight from the Word. The Greek idea of “withdraw” is not to fully sever ties but to reorder the relationship. It’s about setting boundaries.

That word “disorderly” speaks volumes. It’s not about someone struggling—it’s about someone who refuses to submit to the structure and order of God. They walk independently, unaccountable, out of step with the Body, and in opposition to sound doctrine. That’s the person Scripture warns us to distance from—not to punish, but to give space for God to bring repentance.

Immature Christians think boundaries are rejection. But boundaries actually protect what’s valuable. They determine how much of our heart, our time, our spiritual energy we invest. Relationships must be measured by spiritual maturity, not just sentiment.

Paul takes it further in 1 Corinthians 5, saying we shouldn’t even eat with a believer who lives like the world. Not the sinner outside the Church—but the brother inside it who refuses to be transformed. This is about spiritual stewardship. If we keep close ties with unrepentant believers, we enable their dysfunction and invite confusion. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is let go. Yes, it’s hard. I’ve walked it. I’ve had to limit connections with uncorrectable believers, disengage from those choosing worldliness.

The Kingdom of God is relational at its core. God places us in the Body not just for function, but for fellowship. True koinonia isn’t about coffee and casual talk—it’s about sharing spiritual life, helping one another become who God intended.

Take an honest inventory: Who are you walking with? Who’s helping you grow in Christ? Who are you helping in return? Are your leaders truly discipling you, or are you stuck in a cycle of peer mentoring with no real transformation?

God-ordained relationships will challenge you, stretch you, and grow you. Cultivate those. Guard those. And be willing to release what no longer carries His breath.